Burnt Out.

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker.” – Sam Keen

Burnout feels like an aggressive word. One that holds serious weight. I feel guilty saying, “I am burnt out”, because I believe that in order to make such a claim I must first be somehow unable to go on. But, in truth, I do FEEL burnt out. Maybe that is enough to warrant me saying those words. And so I do, with tears in my eyes, as Daniel wraps me up in his embrace. 

Now, when I use the term “burnt out” in relation to myself, I am speaking of having little (to no) motivation to do almost anything that must be done. It is waking up in the morning and then feeling dread at all the motions I must move through in the day ahead. It is this feeling of having too many things to do, not enough time to do them, and NO time for what I actually want to do. 

My feelings of burnout tend to come and go in waves. For me, the past couple of weeks have felt like a slog. The tears were sure to fall, and fall they did. 

Psychology Today defines burnout as, “a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress.” I have felt stressed in many areas of my life as of late. Stressed about all the things I think I HAVE to do: work, exercise, complete my UX class, write this blog, socialize…all of it has felt like a chore. Yet, the funny thing is, I don’t actually HAVE to do any of those things. I am choosing to do them all, because ultimately they do bring me some sort of joy and satisfaction. I could not write my blog for a week – my readers would forgive me; I could take an extended break from my UX class – I’d still get it done eventually; I could take a day off from the gym – my body would survive; I could call in sick to work – they’d offer me some grace. 

I am the one putting this pressure on myself. And I am the one who can stop. Having less stress if my life right now really boils down to me and the choices I am making. I don’t like how this burnout leaves me feeling – tired, irritable, overwhelmed, and unmotivated. I’d so much rather feel energized, joyful, patient, centered and motivated. To do that, I need to draw some boundaries with myself and put a few practices into place. 

Therapy

Through sessions with my own therapist, I have come to understand that so much of my own stress is a result of ingrained patterns of thinking. In order to feel differently, I have to think differently. This is where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) comes into play. CBT is a modality of therapy that helps you address the way you think, and in turn, behave. In order to get off the rollercoaster of burnout, CBT is the hammer in my toolkit. 

Friends

Don’t underestimate the power of friends. The women in my life give me life. When I get so wrapped up in my own to-do list, and neglect to see or speak to my girlfriends, this is when I feel my worst. I love Daniel, AND I need my friends too. Time with friends is something that, when I prioritized, always helps to motivate and energize me. 

Rest

As I wrote last week, Fall is a time of rest. But rest is rarely just given to us. We have to take it. There will always be something to do, so sometimes we are going to have to just choose not to do it…or at least, not do it Right Now. While it will be uncomfortable for me, in order to really recover and restore, I am going to sometimes have to leave things undone, boxes unchecked, in favor of a night on the couch with a great book, a dinner out with friends, a cup of tea and a bubble bath. Rest is good. I must repeat this again and again, so that it seeps into my bones and I can not only know it, but welcome it, at a soul level. 

Perhaps I am not “burnt out” in the clinical sense of the word, but I feel myself edging closer, and I want to catch myself before I fall. I hope that by putting the above practices into place I can find myself on solid ground. 

Do feelings  of burnout plague you? If so, consider the ways in which you may be depleting yourself…running yourself into the ground. Where are you running to? What are you trying to accomplish? Why are you allowing such exhaustion into your life? Now, what can you do to help restore yourself? 

Take some time with these questions. After all, this is the quality of your “one precious life” that we are talking about here. Let’s make the most of it…let’s let our souls flourish. 
“Take rest. A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” – Ovid