Better Than Now

“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.” Eckhart Tolle

I recently returned from a trip abroad to Italy. When on the flight to Rome, I couldn’t wait to land and begin exploring. I daydreamed about all of the pasta and gelato I’d eat, all the wine I’d drink, and all of the gorgeous sites I’d see. Once we landed in Rome, I couldn’t wait to go out for dinner and eat our first meal. While enjoying my first meal, I fantasized about the tour of the city we’d do the next day. While touring Rome, I began to mentally plan out our time in Florence. Are you noticing a trend here? While I was enjoying my time in Italy immensely, I was continuously planning for, or anticipating, the next moment while in the current moment, which I’d planned for, or anticipated, just a moment before. It is exactly as Eckhart Tolle writes, I catch myself operating under the assumption that the next moment must be more important, or somehow better, than this moment now. 

One morning, while sitting in a cafe drinking cappuccinos, Daniel and I caught ourselves deep in this line of thinking. We were discussing how excited we were to see Lake Como that afternoon, and already feeling a bit sad that our time in Italy was passing so quickly. To help alleviate some of those feelings, we began to plan out our future vacations. We were in Italy, enjoying a long anticipated vacation, planning out future vacations! The irony of that wasn’t lossed upon us. We both admitted to our tendency to do this, and then resolved to make a greater effort to be more present for the remainder of our trip. 

I do this all of the time – pull myself out of the present as I plan for, prepare for, or anticipate what lies ahead. I have done this with my job, landing one role and then anxiously awaiting a promotion to the next. I have done this with my relationship, started dating a man and then anxiously awaiting when that man would make me his girlfriend. I have done this with my to-do lists, working on one task but already thinking about what I must do next. As a result, I end up missing what is happening now. Then, later, I will feel sad that I didn’t appreciate and savor an experience more. A vicious cycle that continuously pulls me out of the present moment. 

“Be in the present.” We hear this all the time. But, what exactly does it mean? “Being in the present, or the ‘here and now’, means that we are aware and mindful of what is happening at this very moment. We are not distracted by ruminations on the past or worries about the future, but centered in the here and now.” [PositivePsychology] For example, when sitting at a cafe in Florence, being fully present might have meant slowing down as I sipped my coffee, really savoring the taste of the roast and steamed milk; observing the people and decor around me; writing in my journal; really immersing myself in the experience of sitting at a cafe in Florence, Italy on a Tuesday morning. Being present allows you to get the most out of where you are. 

There are so many benefits to incorporating more moments of presence into our days, “Being present and exerting our ability to be mindful, not only makes us happier, it can also help us deal with pain more effectively, reduce our stress and decrease its impact on our health, and improve our ability to cope with negative emotions like fear and anger.” [PositivePsychology]

Like many things that are good for us though, staying in the moment isn’t always easy. There is the constant distraction of our phones, for one. There are the two do lists that can leave us feeling scattered and overwhelmed. There is a fear of what lies ahead. There is remorse for what lies behind. 

Still, there are many things we can do to support ourselves in the journey towards greater presence. 

Plan time to think about the future ~

We need to think about our future to some extent. We have to prepare for what is to come, and it is also important to set goals and to have dreams. We can set aside time to do this though, and be intentional about it. Give yourself space regularly, and set a timer, to think about your future and plan for what may come. Then, when the time is up, do your best to leave it there, to be picked up another day at another time. 

Set aside time to reflect on the past ~

We have so much to learn from our past experiences, and a great deal to appreciate. Honor what you’ve been through. Reflect on how you will grow from your experiences. Just don’t dwell there. As with planning for the future, create time for reflection and then leave it there so you can get back to being present for your life right now. 

Focus on one thing at a time ~

We live in a world that encourages mult-tasking, with all kinds of gadgets to help us do so. This pulls us from where we are and can leave us feeling fragmented. Do just one thing at a time. Place your focus there. Immerse yourself in that. Be present for it. 

Notice your surroundings ~

To be present, we must be aware. Engage your senses – take in the sounds, sights, smells and physical sensations of where you are. Let this noticing center you into the moment. 

Enjoy being where you are now ~

Instead of getting lost in the thoughts of what’s to come (whatever those thoughts may be), try to find things you enjoy about where you are now. Bask in the love of your current relationships. Take in the beauty of your current environment. Relish in the taste of a home cooked meal. Melt into rest at the end of a day. 

I don’t want to spend my life constantly focused on what is coming next. I don’t want to miss out on the richness that can be found only in the now. I want to immerse myself in this life, to swim deep into my own experiences. In order to do this, I must strengthen my own ability to be present. To be here now. 

What does presence mean to you? How might practicing presence enrich your life? How could you incorporate more moments of presence into your days? 

I only wish we could all be a bit more like Winne the Pooh as he says, “‘What day is it?’ ‘It’s today’, squeaked Piglet. ‘My favorite day’ said Pooh.”