A moment of celebration

You cannot change your life by complaining about your life.

But it is so easy to complain. Actual change? Well that is hard. 

Over the course of the last four months I have applied to around fifty different jobs – Professional Learning Specialist, Digital Implementation Specialist, Curriculum Specialist, Customer Experience Specialist … the list goes on and on. Prior to my current job search, I had only been denied a job I’d applied for one time. And that was in High School, I had wanted to make smoothies. Right now? I have had exactly two recruiter screen calls result from this effort, and one job where I have made it through to a third interview and am now waiting to hear back. This process has been both exhausting and humbling. 

All through my youth and into college, I was always at the top of my class. I graduated summa cum laude and was accepted into Teach For America – a program that accepts less than 15% of applicants. I have never struggled to find a teaching job. I have always felt so sure of the skills I have to offer, always trusted that if I put in the work I’d achieve my desired result. This job search has challenged those beliefs. 

With each rejection email I find myself feeling more and more discouraged. After a recruiter screening I find myself obsessively checking my inbox, praying that a follow up interview will be offered. For many of the jobs for which I’ve applied I simply never hear back…ghosted. There have been moments where the negative, self-deprecating thoughts overwhelm me and I succumb to tears of despair. I find myself thinking, even confessing out loud to loved ones, “What if I never get one of these highly coveted jobs for which I am applying? Why am I putting forth all of this effort for something that may not ever happen?” I am usually shrugged off, “You will”, I am told. I appreciate the encouragement. But still, what if?

At present, I am working as a substitute teacher. This poses its own unique challenges. Being in a classroom for another teacher is odd. The work that is left for me to do with students is often busy work – something to merely fill the time in the teacher’s absence. I understand this. As a former teacher myself, I know how much easier and less risky it is to prepare worksheets that can be done by anyone and to then return to the classroom and resume with where you left off in your curriculum. This doesn’t mean that as a substitute I enjoy it; I am left feeling like a babysitter – a mere body in the room. I don’t feel like I am putting my abilities as an educator to use. 

All of this has left me feeling a bit deflated. 

You cannot change your life by complaining about your life. 

On a recent run, a podcaster whom I admire spoke these words in relation to single women on the dating scene, “You cannot change your life by complaining about your life”. These words have been floating in and out of my consciousness over the course of this week. While she was speaking about dating, the same can be true for job searching. I will not change anything by complaining. 

I know there is such a thing as toxic positivity – the dismissal of feelings that aren’t positive and the shame or guilt that is felt for experiencing negative emotions. I am not saying that it isn’t okay for me (or anyone) to acknowledge what feels painful, what is exhausting, what is proving to be difficult. In my world, all feelings are welcome (trust me, I feel them all!) and I believe that we need to move through our emotions in order to actually release them and get on with life. There is a difference between creating space to feel and the fixation on all that is wrong which leads to complaining. 

Lately I have found myself complaining more than I am proud to admit. Sometimes these complaints are silent and internal. Other times I am more vocal, “venting” all that is wrong with my current situation onto another. When I am in this state of complainer, I am training my brain to see all that is wrong about the world or a circumstance. If I train myself to see the world this way, then changing an external situation won’t actually change my life. I will still be that woman who sees what is wrong, for that is what I have trained my brain to do. Even when I get one of these jobs that I covet, I will eventually find myself feeling just as deflated – looking and finding all that is wrong with this new circumstance. 

You cannot change your life by complaining about your life.

I wish I could say that simply through hearing this quote, drawing the parallel to my own life and then reflecting upon the lesson, that I have released all habits of complaining and am managing to stay positive and upbeat about whatever comes my way. That would be quite a lie. No, I am still struggling with my impulse to complain, to jump into a story of “Woe is me”. Still, they say that acknowledging you have a problem is the first step. So, I am acknowledging. And through this acknowledgement I am working on the next step, finding things to celebrate about this experience, even though I long to continue to complain about it.

Through this job search I am learning how to adapt the language of my resume to better meet qualifications for a wide range of jobs within the field of education; I am gaining knowledge on how many jobs in education truly exist outside of classroom teaching; I am considering other courses, certificates, even degrees, that I may want to pursue as means of supporting my career goals; I am honing my ability to persevere and practice resilience; I am making money while maintaining a flexible schedule; I have a job, I get to go into schools and be of service to our education system right now – something that is highly appreciated by all of today’s teachers and administrators. 

What about you? What in your life is taking up energy and driving a narrative focused around complaint? Maybe nothing – in which case that is fabulous! Congratulations to you – keep up the positive vibes. If there is something though, a circumstance or situation you deeply desire to change, I challenge you to find the gift in it. I am not saying to give up hope or forward momentum, I am just suggesting that you find a way to celebrate your life as it is today. Celebration begets celebration. 

You cannot change your life by complaining about your life. 

Perhaps the only true way to change your life is to celebrate life for what it brings today. For, a moment of celebration each day will lead to a year of celebrations and that will lead to a lifetime of celebrations. And a lifetime of celebrations is a lifetime I wouldn’t mind living.