A Shift in Perspective

In the above picture I remember thinking to myself, “Why are there so many people on this hike? Why am I breathing so hard already? Why can’t I keep up with Daniel as he leaps from rock to rock? And WHY do I look so flushed and disheveled in this picture?” Yet, I was in Yosemite National Park on a Friday in October. I was with one of my favorite humans on a spectacular hike. My body had the strength and endurance to propel me up 2000 feet of elevation and across 8 miles of steep, slick trail, and, looking at it now, I actually think I look quite pretty and very happy.

It is easy for me to look at my life and to point out all this is wrong. I can list off all the areas in which I am falling short, all the spaces in which I am lacking. I invest a lot of my energy and time into self-development and self-improvement, constantly looking for a fix. I feel a chasm between the life that I fantasize about in my head and the life which I am momentarily leading. And so I journal upon it, I read books on the subjects of manifestation and creation, searching and reaching for the answer…it must be out there somewhere, right? 

But at what point does all the journaling upon my “dream” life, all the lists of what I must do in order to grow, all the reading on self help, become too much? I sense that in this there may be a danger of creating an identity around never being good enough, never having enough. 

I was listening to a podcast the other day in which the host spoke about understanding what you think you need in order to make your dreams become reality. With the recent eclipse, the next 6 months are meant to be a time of fruitful action, not just contemplation. So she asked, what is it that you need in order to put your aspirations into motion?

It was in the mere asking of this question that I saw how much I already have. The only thing really holding me back is me. There is nothing really wrong with my life, nothing that I actually need to fix; it is simply my own perception that must be adjusted. My own self limiting beliefs. 

I am used to things coming fairly easy. I work hard, yes, but I am not accustomed to failing. I am quite uncomfortable with failing actually. And this holds me back. The second that I am met with, or anticipate, rejection my inclination is to quit. This can keep me from taking a risk, for,  if success in a new pursuit doesn’t happen right away, then it isn’t worth pursuing. A mindset like this is what keeps me stuck. 

I am incredibly supported. I have family and friends who believe in me and who are invested in my goals. I have a roof over my head and many material items to my name – never am I left wanting. I have my health. I have money in the bank and time on my hands. It is my beliefs – the belief that it is just too late, that I am simply not meant to live the life that I want – these are what I need to address in order to create what I aspire to have…to be. 

This week is symbolic in that it is a time of thanks. It is Thanksgiving. This has me thinking, how dramatically different would my life be if, instead of constantly looking at what is wrong, or what needs to be fixed, I instead looked to – and celebrated – all that is right? What if instead of seeing rejection, I saw opportunity? What if instead of focusing on who, or what, is missing, I placed my attention on what I have and what is present? 

I am in a place of privilege, and yet I can act as though I am a victim. I don’t want to look back on my life and see all the ways in which a fear of failing, a fear of not being enough, kept me from fully living, and loving, my life. I want to express thanks and relish in all the beauty that is present. 

As I sit and write, I can see how much of what I complain about, are actually things for which I can find a place of gratitude:

I am thankful for the amount of money that is in my bank account. It affords me enough to enjoy experiences with those that I love and to indulge in a fun material purchase every now and again. 

I am grateful for a job rejection, as it is one less job to filter through. For in the words of Imam Al-Shafii, “What is meant for me will never miss me, and what misses me was never meant for me”.

I am thankful for the run in which I couldn’t keep up. My running partner’s speed only pushes me to greater limits. 

I am grateful for the uncertainty I hold around what lies next for me. Uncertainty is simply mystery, and life would be quite a bore without a little mystery. 

I am thankful to be living with my parents, back in my childhood home. It is rare to be able to spend such unadulterated time with your parents as an adult. I am grateful now, and will be forever grateful, for this past year together. 

Each of the five things listed above have been something I have complained about at one time or another over the course of the last few months. When I seek out all that is wrong, or what I perceive to be wrong, I find my own energy to be stunted. Life begins to appear bleak as my mind moves into a place of catastrophic rumination. Yet, when I simply turn the looking glass around, fixating on all the beauty in these same “complaints”, I see how truly rich and luscious my life really is. Not without struggle, not free of pain, but rich in experience and luscious with love and opportunity. 

While I naturally gravitate towards a place of seeking and finding what is wrong, I am challenging myself on this day of Thanks, and in these last few weeks of 2021, to instead seek out what is right…what is good. After all, I have all that I really need, and I actually do trust and believe that I am exactly where I am meant to be. It is time to get out of my own way and to instead appreciate and celebrate this life of mine. 

I encourage you to consider the following and maybe spend some time journaling on areas of your life you often complain about; could you in fact turn at least some of these complaints around and find a place of gratitude instead? I promise you, you will feel so much lighter when you do.