I have a few vices that I turn to again and again, some of which I know are not exactly beneficial to my well-being. I have made habits of these vices, meaning that (by definition) it is hard for me to turn away from them. There’s that glass of wine at the end of the work day, my second cup of cream filled coffee, a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s that I enjoy in front of the show de jour.
These are relatively harmless habits, as, for the most part, I maintain moderation in relation to the amount that I indulge in. Still, I don’t like how dependent I feel upon them to alleviate a moment of discomfort – the wine to mellow me, the coffee and cream to hype me up, the sugar to bliss me out. I am reaching for these substances as a means of changing a state of being. And yet, the relief is often temporary and I am left feeling slightly more uncomfortable than before. Intellectually I know this, but the pull is still there…
Oxford Languages defines a habit as “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.”
Habits can be difficult to break, especially when they’re built upon addictive substances such as alcohol, caffeine and sugar. Habits – both positive and negative – are created, first, by a trigger or a cue. Identifying the trigger behind the habit is critical if one wishes to alter it. In the habits that I listed above, the trigger for each of these was an emotion or feeling that I was experiencing, and then a need to alleviate said emotion or feeling.
And, so I ask, “ What need does my habit meet? What feeling do I seek to alleviate?”
When I reach for a glass of wine at the end of the day, I am trying to meet my own need to relax. The trigger is the stress from the day and a strong desire to bring a sense of calm and fluidity into my evening. I want to let go of stored tension. When I pour myself a second cup of coffee, I am attempting to meet the need to be alert. The feeling behind this is that I am tired, and desire to have energy. When I insist on a bowl of ice cream at the end of dinner, I am seeking to meet the need to be rewarded, or treated, for all of the effort I have put in over the course of the day.
Once in a while, all of the above are perfectly normal responses to a need, to an uncomfortable feeling or emotion that I hope to alleviate. But engaging in them every day? Having these become habitual? I find that to be concerning. I want for my glass of wine, my cup of coffee, and my bowl of ice cream to be enjoyed from a place of conscious intention, not for me to feel dependent on them.
This week I made the decision to step back from these habitual patterns for a few days and to be more mindful of the choices that I am making. It hasn’t been easy, as this does take a lot of energy and the craving for my routine comforts is certainly there. However, I felt the need to break the pattern in order to re-evaluate my own reliance on habits that don’t always leave me feeling my best. I wanted to explore new ways of responding to the trigger – meeting the need, or alleviating the feeling state, that might better support my overall health.
I am never (at least I don’t think) going to completely swear off wine, coffee or ice cream… I just don’t want to. I feel that those treats add to my life when used appropriately – though I know that is certainly not true for everyone. I do want them to be treats though, treats that I enjoy with intention and not substances that I consume out of habit.
“And once you understand that habits can change, you have the freedom and the responsibility to remake them.” – Charles Duhigg
I think many of us have habits that we move through day in and day out. Some of these habits serve us, and others don’t. Our lives are built upon what we do each day, meaning our habits hold significance. I want to live with intention and to be conscious of the decisions that I am making – both big and small – not out of an unconscious habit…especially when the habit doesn’t serve me.
I challenge you to think of a habit that is doing you more harm than good – maybe you feel guilty after, or perhaps it is affecting your relationships; it could be that you’re losing out on precious time because of it. Whatever it may be, once you identify this habit, look for the trigger. Ask yourself, “What need does this habit meet? What feeling does it alleviate? From here, reflect upon the following, “Can I replace this habit with something that would better serve me?”
Remember this isn’t to say you swear off that habit forever. It is simply a practice to gain perspective. From this perspective you can make choices from a place of intention. I believe that intention is what allows for us to live out the richest version of our lives.
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