“Do Not Disturb”

My mind has felt exceedingly busy over the last few days. I have been spending so much time in my head that, as I sit down to write this, I realize just how disconnected I feel from my body. 

Earlier this week I took an exam that was necessary towards me obtaining my California teaching license – something I want to have as an option down the line. Due to California traffic (there is always a 30 minute delay when you have an important deadline to meet) I arrived just on time for my scheduled testing appointment. As I sat down to begin my exam, I could literally hear my own heartbeat as it reverberated through my noise canceling headphones. 

I thought that once I completed my exam I’d feel a sense of calm and relief – the adrenaline of the morning would subside. While I did feel relief almost immediately, the sense of calm evaded me. My mind instead went to the next hurdle before me: preparing for the start of a new job. 

Instead of giving myself a pause in which to honor my own successful completion of a task that has been weighing on me for the last month (this exam), I jumped right into “What’s next?…What potential danger lies ahead that I must prepare for?” This stress response is akin to an antelope in the Savannah who is stuck in flight mode, unable to shake off the stress from a recent lion chase. Unable to tap into the parasympathetic nervous system, the antelope – and I – experience a rush of hormones meant to boost the body’s alertness and heart rate. This is critical for survival in the face of immediate danger, but existing in this state for an extended period of time is exhausting. It leaves me feeling uninspired and aggravated – unable to come down. 

In hopes to help myself, I employed a few of my favorite “stress-relieving” strategies. I wrote a list of all that I felt needed to be accomplished by the end of the day so as to focus my energy. I put my body through a HIIT ride on the stationary bike with the aim of expending all of the anxious energy coursing through me. I connected to my breath through meditation, seeking to slow it down. These things helped, but only temporarily. The anxiety, the heart-thumping, the elevated state – it was all still there. 

The thing is, because I have been residing in this state for a few days now, bringing myself back to a place of homeostasis will require conscious effort and time. With this in mind, I asked myself, “What is the most nourishing thing I can do for myself not just today, but over the course of this week?” Nourishment is defined as “food or substance that is necessary for growth, health and good condition”. What is it that I need in order to bring myself back to a place of good condition?”

I put my hand to my heart and close my eyes as I ask this question, “What is the most nourishing thing I can do for myself this week?” I envision my past couple of days and how I have been moving through them. I have been taking “in” so much – I wake up and immediately grab for my phone to take in the daily Wordle or scroll through podcast releases. I then move onto a Peloton workout, taking in the commands of an instructor. I begin my studies, taking in regulations on ELL instruction and best practices. My phone buzzes with a question from a friend that I feel I must respond to. I jump into my car and start up a podcast. It is a constant stream of input. And all of the input, with little space to process or create, contributes to this anxious, heart-thumping, elevated state that I have been living in. 

What I need in order to nourish myself this week is a little reprieve from all of the input. My test is done and I now have 4 days until I begin my new job. What would nourish me during this time would be to step away from taking more in, and instead let percolate what’s already there. 

This means spending time with my journal each morning before picking up my phone. It means limiting the time I am engaging on social media and replacing it with occasional moments of nothingness and silence. It means going for more runs or walks outside and listening to the birds instead of another podcast. For my nervous system to calm, I need to give myself a break from consuming and instead allow time for processing and creating. 

Through this, I hope to move from my head and back into my body. 

Many of us live lives that are centered around consumption – we consume news, information, memes, television, opinions, advice, ect. And there doesn’t seem to ever be enough space or time to sift through what we’ve consumed so as to actually create something meaningful with it. I think this is part of what leaves so many of us feeling, depending on your own biological response to stress, either overwhelmed or numbed, brain fried or unable to focus, unable to switch off or unable to move towards full potential. 

This is where a conscious decision to turn down all of the noise and remove oneself from the constant stimuli is a necessary part of nourishment. The disconnecting can restore within us, good condition. 

As we go into the weekend, perhaps you too are finding yourself existing in “flight” mode, unable to find your center and distracted by the world around you. If that is the case, you aren’t alone and maybe what I’ve shared here can be of some help. Can you disconnect from some of it? Can you put the phone on “Do Not Disturb” and instead engage in an activity that allows you to make sense of all that you’ve taken in? Perhaps a walk? Time spent painting? Writing in your journal? I encourage you to try. 

Disconnect with the world, reconnect with yourself.