I spend a lot of time thinking about my appearance – both in thought around how I perceive myself to look, as well as wonderings around how others think I look. Sometimes I look at myself and actually can say, “Wow, you are beautiful”. I have had others tell me I am beautiful … 0r cute, or attractive…etc. There are other days that I look at myself and think, “Wow, what happened to you?” This provokes feelings of self doubt. Am I beautiful? I want to be beautiful.
The problem with spending so much time concerned with how you look is that attractiveness is extremely subjective. What one person considers outwardly beautiful, another may not. Yet, I have found that how I physically feel often influences, or atleast correlates, with how I view my outer appearance. When I feel beautiful on the inside, I often also see myself as beautiful on the outside. Attractiveness is subjective, but feeling beautiful is not. Feeling beautiful is something within my control and it also positively influences my self-image.
Those days that I don’t feel beautiful, those are what I like to call my “Bleh” days. I imagine most of us have bleh days from time to time. You know, those days where you feel off in your body, in your own skin. Maybe your hair won’t fall just right, or your chin has broken out with a fresh zit. Perhaps your jeans feel a bit tight as you work to wriggle them up around your waist. Whatever it is, you just don’t feel right in your body. You don’t feel beautiful. You feel, well, bleh.
On those bleh days my natural inclination is to move into a space of self judgment: “It is that bowl of ice cream that you’ve eaten every night for the last week; you really should amp up that workout regimen of yours; you need to start going to bed earlier; why haven’t you added that supplement to your morning vitamins?!; Good God Girl – MEDITATE!” So much judgment and criticism.
But what if instead of judging myself on those bleh days, I got curious? The self-talk might look something like this, “Okay, I feel bleh. Why? What have my self care practices been like lately? What factors may have influenced this? Do I have friends in town? A lot on my plate? Okay, well then this makes sense! I have been a bit stressed out lately! Maybe I’ve been indulging in some late nights and restaurant meals with friends. That’s great girl! That makes sense! That’s all part of balance.”
Now, what can I do to re-establish balance back in the direction of nurturing and care? What can I do to bring myself back to that feeling of being “beautiful” as opposed to “bleh”?
This will look different for everyone. We all need to get clear on the unique practices and habits that help us to feel our best.
I feel beautiful when I am nourishing my body with beautiful, wholesome and nutritious foods. I feel beautiful when I am hydrating myself with fresh water and herbal tea. I feel beautiful when I am moving my body regularly. I feel beautiful when I am spending time in nature and away from my devices. I feel beautiful when I take the time to groom my body – to shave, to paint my nails, to moisturize my skin and hair. I feel beautiful when I dress in clothes that flatter me and that I love. I feel beautiful when I am getting good sleep and taking time in solitude to journal and meditate.
I don’t have to do all of these things every day. There are days where I actually do NONE of these things. If too many of those days go by though, that is when the “bleh” feeling starts to creep about. This is my reminder to evaluate my daily habits and practices around how I am caring for myself. Bleh days are an invitation for more beauty. Not judgment, but instead curiosity.
I can control how I view myself. And it is so much easier to see my own beauty when I can FEEL my beauty. This does take a bit of discipline. It is worth it though if the end result is one of more beautiful days then bleh days.
Bleh days come and go. When we find ourselves in one, can we get curious instead of critical? Can we ask, “What helps me to feel my best, to feel beautiful?” Then, slowly, begin again to incorporate more of that. I bet you’ll find that the bleh day passes and in its place a sense of beauty returns.
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