“It is indeed a radical act of self love to just sit-down and be quiet for a time by yourself.”
Jon Kabat-Zinn
I have dabbled with meditation. I find myself turning to it when I am feeling anxious or over-stimulated, though it isn’t a practice that I engage in with enough regularity to say that I am diligent about it. When I do meditate, I find it to be incredibly helpful towards calming my nervous system and I always leave with more focus and clarity. It is certainly something I am trying to incorporate more of into my life.
My mom led me through a meditation the other day that resonated with me and has remained in my thoughts. It began with her asking me to close my eyes, to let my body take root in my seat. She instructed me to take several long, slow, and deep breaths. From there, she asked me to visualize a place where I feel at peace – a place that brings me joy. My mind went to a canopy of pine trees with sun streaming through, a cool breeze and the song of a mountain bird. I found myself sitting on a rock upon the edge of a forest, looking out over a deep valley below. I’ve been in such a place before…first in Chamonix, France and then again in Idyllwild, California. This is a setting that I love.
She let me sit on that rock for a few minutes, just breathing, before guiding me into the next portion of the meditation. As I stood up from my rock perch, I was asked to follow a trail that then led to a door. In my mind, I envisioned Narnia – me wandering through the woods and stumbling upon this enchanted gateway.
I stepped through the door and found myself at the base of a narrow staircase. Slowly, I climbed the steps, ten to be exact, towards a soft, glowing light.
At the top of the stairs, in a dimly lit room, I was told I’d find my Elder Self. There she sat with grace and beauty – ready to offer her wisdom to me.
“Ask her anything, whatever is on your heart”, my mom gently encouraged. “I will give you two to three minutes with her.”
And so I paused, taking a moment to check-in and consider, what is it that I want to ask? The answer found me:
How do I rest? How do I allow for more rest in my life?
My mind is often going a mile a minute, constantly thinking about the next thing that needs to be done, or fixed. It is hard for me to sit still, to not jump up right after the meal is finished and begin washing dishes; to not come home from work and start straight into vacuuming the house; to not hop out of bed and into an intense workout; to not move but instead be still. I don’t like this. It isn’t really how I want to live. It is exhausting and can leave me feeling both agitated and irritable.
I have written about this again and again. But the question remains… How do I rest?
With that question spoken out, my Elder self, this nurturing and motherly version of me, took me in her arms and cradled me.
“You must…stop.” She said to me, “Just put it down and stop.” It felt so good to be held, to feel myself supported and taken care of.
Just stop. Set it down, and stop.
The minutes passed and it came time for me to leave this enlightened being.
I turned my back to her and retreated the way I’d come – ten steps down and out a door that took me back to a path in the woods.
From there, my Mom concluded the meditation and gave me some space to reflect upon the experience in my journal.
Just stop. Set it down, and stop. That’s what my Elder Self had advised. Such a simple suggestion, but one that’s hard for me to abide by. It reminds me of the bible quote, “be still and know that I am God.” Now, I am not particularly religious, but I am spiritual and there is something so enticing about the idea of setting “it” down before an all knowing power (the universe, pachamama, God, etc), trusting that you will receive what it is that you need, and then coming to a stop so that you can rest.
I am someone who needs permission to rest and slow down. I have a difficult time giving this to myself. I know the answer. My Elder Self is me and the answer she provided came from within. I know it, but how do I do it?
Honestly, I am not at all sure. Loosening my grip on life is such a challenge. Setting it down and stopping, that is not easy.
But what I do know is that sitting in meditation with my Elder Self helped. Getting to a space within myself where I could be held by the wiser piece of me, where I could hear her intuitive presence – that helped.
When I meditate, this is a form of setting it down and stopping – even if only for a few moments. Meditation is something I can do that helps. Hopefully, with time I can get to a place where not only do I hear what my Elder Self has to say, but I can bring her wisdom into other areas of my life, allowing for more rest even in the hustle.
I encourage you to spend some time in meditation, or even just in silence, this weekend. You never know what you might discover.
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