Making Cookies on a Sunday

I find it challenging to honor my own need to pull back from time to time. I struggle to embrace solitude, as the fear based part of my mind wants to instead hop to a feeling of loneliness. And yet, there is so much power and room for expansion within the realm of solitude. What is it about the thought of alone time that I find to be so daunting…so unsettling? 

When I am alone, the chatter in my mind tends to be much louder. My environment is suddenly so quiet and for me, this can be disconcerting. While it often leaves me feeling overstimulated and strung out, I am drawn to noise and business like a moth to a light. And so, when I am alone or have a moment of nothingness I have this itch to pull out my phone and open Instagram, call up a friend, or turn on a podcast and begin another task. Rarely do I use this moment of solitude to check-in with myself and ask, “how are you doing?” or, “what is it that you need?” All of this really is an attempt to escape the discomfort of the quiet. Yet, when I do this I am failing to allow myself to embrace the gifts of solitude. 

Connection is important. So is solitude. For it is in solitude that the “mind gains strength and learns to lean on itself.” We need both in our lives for optimal health and wellbeing. 

This last weekend I found myself with an entire day to spend on my own. I know that for many this probably sounds like a dream. For me, at the thought of a day entirely alone, I tend to jump to emotions such as anxiety or sadness. How will I fill my time? And, right now, having just moved to a new city, a day alone can bring about a feeling of lack – igniting a desire to have more friends or loved ones nearby. These emotions are perfectly normal, but also, limiting, for “loneliness is the poverty of the self, and solitude is the richness of the self.”

I know that days alone, those moments of solitude are critical, and if used well, hold a great deal of potential. It is only in times of true solitude that we can really listen to what it is that weighs heavy on our hearts, or hear that whisper of the body before it begins to yell in protest. When we pull back we harness our own power. 

How we spend our periods of solitude is important. To truly leave those moments feeling refreshed or renewed, requires intention. 

So, this last week, I worked to approach my time alone with such intention. I acknowledged the feelings of loneliness and lack that my mind wanted to run into, but I didn’t indulge in them. Instead, I made a conscious choice to set down my phone, staying free of social media and silencing notifications. I didn’t need the lives of a hundred other people pulling me out of mine. I spent time in nature, finding an oasis of green right near my home. I took out a craft that I’ve been meaning to get to, turned on some fun music and let myself simply play. I made peanut butter chip chip cookies (my favorite) from scratch. I meditated in total silence, embracing instead of fleeing from it. For me, that was a day spent in solitude, not one spent retreating into a feeling of loneliness. 

Solitude holds power. And still, it can be challenging to embrace and really lean into. I often find myself doing whatever I can to avoid it. Little by little I am working to incorporate more of it into my life. Even if it is just 15 minutes. 

What about you? How do you feel about solitude? Whether you love it or tend to shy away from it, I think we can all appreciate the unique value that it holds. As you go into your weekend, take some time to consider how you might add a little more solitude to your days, and how you might intentionally use that time. Can you unplug from social media for the weekend, a day or even just an hour? Can you take 20 minutes to retreat to a quiet space and engage in a stream of conscious writing in your journal? Maybe you can run a hot bath and simply soak. Or, whip yourself up a batch of Sunday cookies. Give yourself that gift of time alone – not lonely, just alone. For it is in that space that we can really begin to listen and understand what it is that we need and move forward with more energy, grace and purpose.