Continuing to live life as a victim of circumstance, forever focusing on what’s wrong with everything and everybody, will never, ever, bring the life desired. It will only bring one thing: more of whatever it is we’re wanting so desperately to change.
-Lynn Grabhorn
Moving to Southern California has been a challenge for me – a fact that I am able to acknowledge. What I am embarrassed to admit though is that I have been using this move as a scapegoat for the cause of so many of the difficult emotions that have come up for me over the course of January. In those moments where I find myself feeling sad, lonely, frustrated or just…unsatisfied, I have been placing the blame on this move. If I hadn’t been uprooted from forest to desert, then I wouldn’t be feeling this way.
Is that really true though? Or is that simply a convenient excuse to take responsibility off of me and instead play victim to my circumstance? To adopt an attitude of, “Woe is me…”
Through therapy, reading, conversation and journaling, I intellectually understand that, ultimately, I am responsible for my happiness and the thoughts that either detract from, or add to, this state of being. I am allowed to feel sad, lonely, frustrated and unsatisfied. We all do from time to time and that is a part of this human experience. But to blame these emotions on one external factor, to fail to take responsibility for how my own thoughts and actions play into these emotions, well that really doesn’t help me at all.
During a recent yoga practice, Rachel Brathen posed the following two questions:
Right now, what is it that my inner world needs?
AND
Right now, what is it that my outer world needs?
Given the emotional wave that I have been surfing, these questions felt geared toward me. I have felt off kilter with the change that this January has brought. I yearn to regain some balance, to stand upright upon the wobble board of life for a moment. I yearn to feel more rooted. To “bloom where I have been planted” or so they say. So what does my inner world need? What do my heart and emotions tell me? And what about my outer world? What is it that I need from my physical environment?
Through time set aside to just be with myself, and go inward, I can hear my heart asking me to be patient. My emotions beg for this patience, this ability to accept, or even just tolerate, delay without succumbing to anger or frustration. I want everything to happen so quickly. To simply fall into place … to be tidy. I want to have my dream job now. I want to have that close friend nearby who will meet me for an afterwork hike or a Saturday morning coffee now. I want to feel settled in this new home, this new town, now. And as this isn’t my current reality those sad, lonely, frustrated, and unsatisfied emotions surface. With each passing day spent wanting those things and still feeling far away from them, I can end up feeling like I just want to give up. But what my heart is asking of me is to practice patience.
Practicing patience simply means waiting and enduring this discomfort, without becoming consumed by it. Patience also allows me to place my focus on what I have to celebrate in the present – an old friend here for a visit, extra time to take a class and learn a foreign language, and space each night with Daniel to name just a few.
Be patient, more good is on the way. Be patient and breathe a sigh of relief.
With that, I turn to the next question, “What is it that my outer world needs?” In other words, what needs adjusting in my external environment so as to feel a greater sense of balance and nourishment?
The capricorn in me is craving structure and organization in my external world. I am not working at present, and so, aside from a few appointments here and there, I have no imposed schedule. I know that this sounds like a dream to many, and I am really trying to appreciate the freedom and flexibility this allows. Yet, I am someone who does thrive with reliable systems and order in my days. Right now, what my outer world needs is more of this structure: a regular wake up and morning ritual, a set time to complete tasks such as job applications and course work, a predictable workout regimen, etc. When my days have a reliable form to them, I in turn feel more settled which clears up mental space and energy for creation and manifestation and occasional spontaneity.
To blame how I feel, the rollercoaster of emotions that can lead to a sense of disassociation from self, on one singular event isn’t justifiable. Looking at all the reasons for which to hate a place will do me absolutely no good; hating a place really is a choice. It is my thoughts that create my reality – or at least my perception of reality. If I want to thrive in my life, during this stage or any stage, then I must accept that I am the one responsible for said thriving.
Taking the time to slow down and ask, “what do I need?” – at both an inner and outer level – is a way of putting that responsibility back on me. What I need will shift. Right now I need patience and structure. Those are two things that I can give myself…two things I can take responsibility for.
If the first few weeks of this year have felt like a roller coaster for you, a roller coaster that you feel like you have no ability to control, then I encourage you to set aside some time to move through a similar process of reflection as I have posed here:
Lay out your yoga mat, or find a soft spot on the earth.
Move your body through some gentle stretching.
Take a moment to connect with your breath.
Get Still.
Then, ask yourself, “What is it that my inner world – my heart, my emotions – need?”
Next…
Ask yourself, “What is it that I need in my outer world – my physical surroundings – in order for me to feel balanced and nourished?”
Taking this time will provide you with critical information, reminding you of your own responsibility in regards to the current state of your life, as well as the power you hold towards what you create going forward.
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