What emotion arises for you when you read the statement, “By doing less, I allow for more of what matters in my life”? Maybe this statement encourages a softening of your body, an exhale of relief as your mind conjures up images of a more serene existence. Or, perhaps, you find your body growing stiff and contracting as you imagine a life of limitation – a life with less options and less possibility.
I am, and have always been, a woman of lists. I write lists for what I want to achieve in the year ahead, lists for what I want to accomplish this month, and lists for what I want to complete on the day before me. I think this comes from a place of wanting control. Lists help me to feel like I have some power over what develops in my life; lists give me a sense of predictability and structure. Yet, lists can also result in feelings of overwhelm or anxiety. When I look at my list for the day, or the week ahead, dread may wash over me as I find myself wondering, “How on earth will I get this all done?”
When such dread arises I have to take a step back and consider how many of the things on my list actually need to be there. And I mean, NEED to be there. For me, right now, during this season of life where I am not working, the answer to that question is very few. Very few things need to be on my list. Aside from appointments or scheduled trips/activities with friends and family, there really doesn’t need to be anything on my list. That scares me. And so, I continue to make my lists each day – filling them with items that I think, and hope, will help me move forward and result in feelings of fulfillment.
While providing a sense of direction and stability, lists can also leave me feeling time starved and stressed. Still, I make them. Why? Control, power, security. The same factors that played into my development of an eating disorder also play into my compulsion to write lists. These lists can become obsessive and excessive at times…my planning of activities down to the hour. I understand that for some people, during certain periods of life, such tight and disciplined organization of time can be extremely beneficial. However, this isn’t the stage of life that I find myself in at present.
Lists can be important and helpful. For many though, there is a fine line between lists alleviating anxiety vs. contributing to, or heightening, anxiety. Finding this line is a meaningful endeavor.
Long-term lists that help to guide our direction, and allow for us to set manageable goals, are of great value. General lists of five (or fewer) things that you’d like to accomplish in a day are also of use. But, for me, writing down the precise time that I need to wake up, or the exact length and type of workout I need to do, this keeps me trapped in the same rigid mindset and way of operating that I am trying to break free from. That is where the affirmation, “I do less to allow for more of what matters in my life” has become a guide post for me.
I took this time away from work not only to travel, but to allow for a step-back and to create space for reflection and evaluation of the life that I am leading. Lists, and my use of them, are a necessary piece of this reflection and evaluation. I have said more than once, “I don’t want to live my life by checking off items on a to-do list”. Well, now is a critical time, a wonderful opportunity for me to address my list making tendencies. But how? Where to begin?
A good place to start is by limiting what I put on my list in the first place; allowing for a greater deal of flexibility around what and when things get done. Do less so as to allow for more. For me, five seems like a reasonable number. Five items without attached times (when possible). In addition to this, I think that blessing myself with one day a week where I release the need for a list entirely would be beneficial. One day a week where I simply let the day unfold organically based on what my body is asking for. It sounds beautiful and idyllic. For a recovering “list-aholic”, this will be far easier said than done.
I am very fortunate to have the gift of minimal responsibility and more flexibility in my life right now. I know that so many long for this and it simply isn’t their current reality. If this is you, then I only hope that you can show yourself some grace where possible. Lists (even those of the longer nature) might be of great service to you! By all means, keep writing. If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious – as I feel so many of us are – then I’d love for you to ask yourself this, “What can I remove from my plate today…this week?” You don’t need to get rid of your to-do list altogether, but can you lighten your load just a little? Can you do less so as to allow for more of what matters? Show yourself some compassion where possible. Our world would benefit from more people who do.
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